My Middle Child

Melinda, my middle child, felt like that she was been pushed aside by the baby when she herself was still a baby. 

Melinda was also over-shadowed by her older sister who excelled academically and was getting more attention from the grown-ups. It did not help that Cynthia also has a strong type A personality.

My mother had many children, (she had thirteen babies, six of us live to maturity) and she was very biased as far as we children were concerned. She definitely had her favorites. I happened to be "on her side." 

She mistreated some of my siblings to the point that we hardly knew they existed. I know it sounds very harsh, but that was the truth.
She sent two of my younger brothers to boarding school when they were very young. I only saw Chong and "Little Pup" (the nickname that we gave to my little brother) during some holidays. Even when they were home, their presence was hardly  felt by the rest of us. 
Chong and Little Pup lived in the shadows, being ignored mostly.
Unfortunately, my father did not do anything to remedy the situation. 
If he tried, I did not know. 
Mother ruled the household. 

Little Pup passed away when he was only ten. Of what? I did not know, and still don't. I did know that it affected Chong greatly, They were good buddies.

Chong went to live with my paternal grandmother, Grandma Kim, when the rest of the family left Shanghai for Hong Kong. (My grandma Kim did not wish to leave Shanghai.) 
Chong was in his teens then. I think he did finish high school, but never went into higher education; because by then Communism was all over China. Chong was considered to be from an Imperialistic family (all middle class and upper class people were condemned by the Communists.) For over ten years, only party members' children could go to school. Even then, all they were taught were party policies. Books were burned. History was rewritten by the government, literally.
We, in Hong Kong, did not have much contact with those we left behind in Shanghai.  
And, I had left HK for the U.S. in 1959. 
I did not see Chong for over some forty years.
Chong managed to escape to HK (HK was still British at that time) in the '60s. He had already married by then, but his wife could not join him in HK until some time later. 
Years later, when I tried to ask him about his life in China, he avoided answering me in any details at all. He merely said that life was "not easy." 
His wife said that they had several years of real "hardship." 
They usually would just say that they were doing "fine" in Hong Kong.
Chong turned out to have a good business mind. He saved for retirement and owned a couple of flats.

I always had a soft spot for Chong, but I never really did much for him. I did try to sponsor him and his family to immigrate to the U.S.  But he refused to move the last minute. He said that he was doing all right in HK.

Our father passed away in l968.
Mother passed away in 1989.
I did not go home for twenty years - from 1966 to 1986 - I could not afford the time or the money then.
I did not even make it home when my father passed away- he died very suddenly.. 
I felt I was in A deep Black Hole for a while, until my husband said to me, 
"You are forgetting you have a family here - me and the girls." 
That was the year I went to East Central and took two Art courses - Fundamentals of Art and Painting. It helped me to heal. But I stopped doing that because I could not in good conscience spending money and time on myself - the girls' needs were more important to me.

Our 1966 trip to Hong Kong was financed mostly by S.C.'s father and my father. Five Airline tickets cost a small fortune. We could not have made the trip without their help. 

In the '90s, I did make several trips back to HK. Whenever I went back, I would spend time with Chong and his family. 
I very much wanted to make up to him for what mother did. But How? 
Chong grew up without a mother's love.
It was an impossible task. 
I merely succeeded to let him know that I loved and cared for him. 

And you know what? He was the one who paid for mother's medical bills after mother passed away.

Chong was artistic and he worked as a toymaker, designing and making toys. At one time, he made toys for Mattel in Hong Kong, and he had a hand in making Cabbage Patch Dolls. He learned to speak English well. (You have to in HK.)

His wife manged to leave shanghai eventually, and reunited with him in HK. They have one daughter, Joyce. Joyce was very pretty, and she worked as a model in HK and Singapore for several years. 
She was Chong's pride and joy. And I was glad to know that he had a loving family. 
Chong retired from work in the nineties. He passed away a few years ago. I felt that I lost part of me. I was very sad.
His widow, Margaret, lives in Hong Kong. His daughter, Joyce, and her husband have two children. I think they live close to Margaret.

I vowed not to be like my mother -
I do not want thirteen children.
And, I would always treat my children fairly - playing no favoritism what-so-ever.

Melinda wanted to go out-of-state for her college education, like Cynthia. We promised her that we would let her do so, and she could choose to go where ever she wished to, after Cynthia graduated from Indiana. Because we could not afford to have two our-of-state college students at one time - even though Cynthia had teaching scholarships.
So after attending East Central University, our local university, for two years, she decided to go to University of North Texas in Denton. We went down to Denton with her and got her settled in the dorm. 
After a couple of days, I got a desperate phone call from her, 
"Will you come and pick me up, Mama. I  want to come home. I will do anything you want. Just Come and pick me up please," she was crying.
She wanted to come back to Ada, because she could not stand dorm life in Denton - she was sharing a room with seven other undergraduates and they were - well, they were undergraduates, noisy, loud, smoking . . . possibly drinking.
Melinda was used to have her own room, at home. She also had a good part time job at East Central.  She was not used to Dorm Life.
S.C. threw a fit, saying that she should tough it out since she opted to go to Denton.
I disagreed. 
The next day, we went to Denton and brought her home.
She finished her studies at East Central, and got her degree in Accounting with honors. She worked hard and did well. 
She became a very competent accountant and a great financial planner for herself and her husband. 

Melinda was devoted to her father - 'babying' him in his last few years of his life. 
Now she is 'babying' me. I am learning to let her.

I try my very best to treat and love all my children equally, showing No favoritism at all.